Chapter 25

He then added, “Oh, one other thing, I would like you to hold off telling Mother Superior about leaving the Order. Let’s talk, there is no rush. You still have to finish the semester and there is going to be enough activity and stress to keep you occupied.”

I smiled and said, “Again, thank you, Father. I will see you on Tuesday.”

I left the confessional and went to Mass, and later returned to my room, with a couple bottles of water. I prayed and thought. I thought about what I had done, about the love I had for Zack and of the love he had for me.

I thought of the consequences of that love, leaving my vocation, becoming a wife and possibly even a mother. As I prayed and thought, the enormity of my decision began to overwhelm me. But, as I prayed, a sort of peace came over me. I knew that the Lord would guide me and that I would follow his path, no matter where it led.

That evening as I sat reading my prayer book, my cell phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Zack. For as much as I wanted to pick up the phone and hear the voice of my beloved, I had given my word. I let it go to voice mail.

I went to sleep that night at peace with the world. If the day of prayer and contemplation did anything, it just strengthened my decision to leave the Order and spend the rest of my life with my love…my Zachary.

The next day I returned to the University and realized what a week away meant. It seemed that I had so much work that I would never catch up. I was back in the whirlwind of teaching.

I met with Father Joe on Tuesday and at least once a week thereafter. I spoke to Zack every night. That was the high point of my day. Just hearing his voice and telling him about my day calmed me down and sort of recharged my batteries.

The weeks flew by and April became May and May became June. Our year for underclassmen ended in mid-June, a bit late, but we wouldn’t start the Fall semester until mid-September. The heat is really bad in July and August and into the first part of September.

The end of May and the beginning of June were unbelievably busy. Reviewing the year’s work, preparing final exams, grading the projects I had assigned and meeting with students, who wanted or needed some extra help.

I was usually exhausted by the time I got back to my room at the convent. In fact one evening I dozed off while talking to Zack and I dropped the phone. He laughed and said, “Go to bed, my love. I will talk to you tomorrow. I love you.”

Finally, the craziness was over and I could take a deep breath. One evening, I was going to take a hot bubble bath and relax. As I was getting a towel out of my closet a small box fell and struck me on the head.

I laughed and thought how glad I was that it wasn’t a textbook or it might have knocked me out. As I bent down and picked it up, I noticed that is was box of sanitary napkins. Then it hit me. I had missed my “friend.” I hadn’t gotten my period for a while, not that they were ever very regular, but… I just shrugged it off as being so stressed out and that is what caused me to be late.

But, now that I was conscious of it, I watched. I didn’t come. I waited another two weeks. It was the end of June and nothing. I had to do something.

I dressed in regular street clothes, took the car I usually used and drove a couple of towns away. I didn’t want anyone that I knew seeing me purchase the thing I had to get. I bought three.

I brought them back to the convent and went into the bathroom. After following the instructions and waiting the allotted time, all three showed blue plus signs. My God, I was pregnant. I was going to have a child, no we were going to have a child.

What a fool I was, what fools we were. The thought of protection had never entered my mind. Neither of us thought of it. Now that lapse of responsibility had come home to roost. I was pregnant, I was with child. I lay down on my bed and began to cry, what was I going to do?

Then I stopped myself. No, I would not be sad. This was a joyous occasion. This was the fruit of our love. I knew in my heart that Zack would be overjoyed. That he would want this child as I did.

As I lay on my bed, there was a soft knock on my door. I quickly sat up and said, “Yes, come in.” I had a very good idea who it was.

Rose slowly opened the door and came in. She looked at me and in a very worried voice, said, “Carol, what is wrong? Are you okay?”

She came in and sat on the chair by my desk. She glanced over the desk and then did a double take. She stared at the three plastic pen shaped objects lying there and she picked one up. I was sure that she could see the blue plus signs.

She looked over at me, oh so slowly, her eyes wide with surprise. “Are these what I think they are?”

I nodded and then began to cry again. Rose came to my side and put her arms around me. “Oh my god Carol, what are you going to do? How…well we know how… what…”

I slowly collected myself and in a voice so low that I could hardly hear myself, I told my friend the whole story. Meeting Zack at the conference, my talk, his talk, our walks, the whole story about the ball game and the Arch. I told her everything…well almost everything, I didn’t get descriptive.