Chapter 74

“Have you met anyone at the university yet that you liked, Allie?” mom asked, popping some freshly fried beef into her mouth. “And I don’t mean friends, I mean some guy you might want to date.”

“Well, I…” Alexa began somewhat uncertainly. “I’ve only been to the campus a few times, Karen, I haven’t really been concentrating on developing a social life, not to mention it’s summer. The waters might be a little thin.”

“Well, don’t give up hope,” mom said casually. “Y’never know when someone you don’t expect will just show up, right?”

Alexa shrugged. “True enough, and I’m patient.”

“I’m glad you made friends with Jeanie,” mom added, putting some lamb strips into the boiler. “Think you’ll find her amusing enough to hang out with? You two have a playdate coming up, don’t you?”

I didn’t make a sound, but there was clearly a smirk on my face and mom saw it. She looked at my stonily.

“Something to add, Wamba?” she asked, seemingly unaumsed.

“Er, no,” I replied, going back to my food. “That just might be indicative about why Alexa’s gonna have a hard time meeting boys…”

Alexa blushed and looked at her food. Mother’s eyes went wide. Dad supressed a chuckle.

“Outed…” he said under his breath.

“I had no clue you liked girls, Ali,” mom said in a kind of wonderment. “Not that it matters, of course, I guess it just took me off guard.”

Alexa turned her head to look at me pointedly. “It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal.”

Her words expressed disapproval, but I felt her foot sneak over and caress my shin. She’d taken her shoe off. Clearly she wasn’t too overwrought.

“It’s not,” mom said, shrugging. “It doesn’t matter if you’re hetero, gay, bi or demi, not to us, anyway.”

“Well, I guess I’m bi,” Alexa continued, pulling lamb out of the pot. “Sort of on a girl kick at the moment, maybe, but it’s hardly the sort of thing that you plan, right?”

“Well, good to know there might be nieces or nephews in my future,” mom mused. “Goodness only knows when we’ll get grandkids out of Chuckles over here.”

She looked at me for a moment. “Unless you’re gay.”

I rolled my eyes while dad tried not to burst out laughing and Alexa snickered. “I’m not gay, mom.”

“Well, it wouldn’t matter if you were,” she answered in a non-chalant voice. “It would just explain a few things is all.”

I sighed and concentrated on eating while Alexa reached across the table and fist-bumped mom. Even though I was driving, dad took some pity on me and allowed me to have a beer, ordering a Khan Brau for me. The mood lightened up again and we talked cheerfully about funny things that had happened to Alexa in Europe and what our course loads should be like this coming years.

“So when do you think they’ll allow us to start doing the deparment work?” she asked. “More to the point, when do you suppose they’ll allow me to start working?”

Mom and dad thought about that and looked at one another for a moment, seeming to communicate telepathically. Dad shrugged. “No reason you can’t start along with Alex, as long as you agree to do nothing pants-on-head retarded and do any heavy lifting or strenuous exercise for the next few days.”

“I’m pretty sure I can do the department’s lug work while Alexa sorts and re-files,” I mentioned. “I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“Good, then start when you’re ready,” mom concluded, smiling as she put some Chinese cabbage in the boiler. “Y’know, Allie, concerning Alex’s seeming inability to find a date with anything containing an X chromosome, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for you to be seen in his presence. Might generate some interest in him when other girls see a pretty young thing on his arm.”

Alexa and I paused and looked at one another and then back at mom.

“It was just a thought,” mom said, shrugging. “Nobody knows you’re related except a few staff members and you don’t share a surname. Just think about it when you’re not doing anything better.”

“Thanks, mom.” I said dryly, taking a pull from my beer bottle. “My aunt is the secret to my getting a date, is that it?”

“Oh, don’t be so uppity,” mom replied dismissively. “It beats dating your 360 controller, doesn’t it? Allie’s ridiculously pretty, she’s exactly the right age to be seen on your arm and other women will wonder what you have going on to keep her interest. Everyone wins.”

“Now, Karen, there’s no such thing as ‘everyone wins’,” dad chided, holding up his chopsticks. “Well, except in the Special Olympics… and even then you have to tell them…”

“Oh, you’re awful!” mom said, swatting dad while Alexa went wide-eyed and began giggling at what dad had said. As progressive as he might have been in his world views, he wasn’t above politically incorrect humour by any stretch of the imagination. I just ignored the statement and continued eating.

“Besides,” mom pointed out. “You’re going to be seen in one another’s company on-campus anyway while you’re working, so rumors are inevitable. Just trying to help you out, Sparky.”

“Great,” I muttered. “My mom’s advice to getting women attracted to me is to date my aunt. Nothing weird about that.”

“It’s a tad unconventional,” Alexa mused. “But I guess I don’t mind pretending to date my nephew, as long as he doesn’t get underfoot while I’m hitting on some cute girl.”

I hung my head in despair as mom and dad roared with laughter.

***

I drove us all home, since I was the DD. We went into the house, mom giggling as dad picked her up and carried her through the door and into the loving room. He placed her on the chesterfield and sat down, putting her feet on top of his lap. He removed her shoes and began massaging her feet.

“Mmmm, heaven,” mom sighed as dad worked her toes. “Allie, honey, you need to find a girl who’ll do this for you.”

Alexa shrugged as she sat down in one of the big chairs. “I don’t doubt that, but the only girl I know thus far is Jeanie.”

“Oh, she’s hopless,” mom snorted. “She’s got big, cute eyes, but they don’t leave a lot of room for anything else in her head, trust me. What were you thinking when you asked her out?”