Chapter 143

“Pourquoi sous tes cheveux me cacher ton visage? Laisse mes doigts jaloux écarter ce nuage : Rougis-tu d’être belle, ô charme de mes yeux? L’aurore, ainsi que toi, de ses roses s’ombrage. Pudeur! honte céleste! instinct mystérieux, Ce qui brille le plus se voile davantage ; Comme si la beauté, cette divine image, N’était faite que pour les cieux! Tes yeux sont deux sources vives Où vient se peindre un ciel pur, Quand les rameaux de leurs rives Leur découvrent son azur. Dans ce miroir retracées, Chacune de tes pensées Jette en passant son éclair, Comme on voit sur l’eau limpide Flotter l’image rapide Des cygnes qui fendent l’air! Ton front, que ton voile ombrage Et découvre tour à tour, Est une nuit sans nuage Prête à recevoir le jour ; Ta bouche, qui va sourire, Est l’onde qui se retire Au souffle errant du zéphyr, Et, sur ces bords qu’elle quitte, Laisse au regard qu’elle invite, Compter les perles d’Ophyr! Ton cou, penché sur l’épaule, Tombe sous son doux fardeau, Comme les branches du saule Sous le poids d’un passereau ; Ton sein, que l’oeil voit à peine Soulevant à chaque haleine Le poids léger de ton coeur, Est comme deux tourterelles Qui font palpiter leurs ailes Dans la main de l’oiseleur. Tes deux mains sont deux corbeilles Qui laissent passer le jour ; Tes doigts de roses vermeilles En couronnent le contour. Sur le gazon qui l’embrasse Ton pied se pose, et la grâce, Comme un divin instrument, Aux sons égaux d’une lyre Semble accorder et conduire Ton plus léger mouvement.”

Alexa’s eyes shone as she listened to my recitation of Lamartine, who she had previously told me was one of her favourite chanseurs. I watched myself cough and somewhat apologetically smile.

“I had to get some French in there for you somehow. But you know I love you. I… have no choice, Alexa. If there is indeed such a thing as being ‘fated’, this is it. And I wouldn’t resist it if it was true.”

We all watched I slipped the blue ring-pop onto her finger, still looking into her eyes. “I wed thee now. I devote my heart and soul to you, Alexa. And you are forever mine, come what may.”

Her eyes were shining with tears as I spoke the words she was so desperate to hear. She nodded when I finished and drew a deep breath.

“Alex, I don’t speak Sumerian, you’re better at the ancient languages than I am. But this is the world’s oldest known love poem, from Sumer, because I feel our souls have been bonded as one since before recorded history…”

“Bridegroom, dear to my heart, Goodly is your beauty, honeysweet, Lion, dear to my heart, Goodly is your beauty, honeysweet.

Bridegroom, let me caress you, My precious caress is more savory than honey, In the bedchamber, honey-filled, Let me enjoy your goodly beauty, Lion, let me caress you.

My precious caress is more savory than honey. Bridegroom, you have taken your pleasure of me, Tell my mother, she will give you delicacies, My father, he will give you gifts.

You, because you love me, Give me pray of your caresses, My lord god, my lord protector, My Shu-Sin, who gladdens Enlil’s heart, Give me pray of your caresses.“

She looked into my eyes as she slipped my ring-pop onto my finger, quoting the play Much Ado About Nothing.

“As you are mine, so now am I yours.”

We all watched the screen as I pulled Alexa to me and kissed her deeply. Tears trickled down mom’s face as she watched. Freja and Jeanie were both tearing up as well, even thought they’d both watched it before.

“Slick editing, Alex,” mom said softly, putting her hand on mine. “It was beautiful.”

“Yeah, thanks,” I said as I closed the laptop before Alexa and I started making love. I was determined to be honest with my parents, I wasn’t sure I was ready for them to watch me make love to mom’s sister, though. “It helps when the subject matter is Alexa.”

We’d both been recording the event with our phones, along with our laptops, meaning I had plenty of angles to choose from when making the final video of our marriage. Alexa and I had watched it countless times, falling more in love every time we did so.

And now… nothing.

***

We were all sitting around the dining table, drinking coffee. My laptop sat in front of me. No one was saying much of anything at the moment.

“You… you and dad should keep my laptop for now,” I said finally. “I’ll give you the password. I mean, yeah, there’s probably a lot of videos you won’t want to watch, but there’ll be a lot you do, too. If you really want to know what we meant to one another.”

“I do, baby,” mom said, looking at me, her eyes soft with love. “I only want your happiness, and I don’t know how to give it to you. The other complications aside, we can’t even find her.”

“Well… could we try to figure it out?” Jeanie asked. “I mean, she’ll be somewhere in the Commonwealth or the EU, right? That’s what Freja said.”

“That’s pretty much half the planet, darling,” mom sighed. “A little more daunting than it might seem.”

“Yeah, but she won’t go anywhere that random.” Jeanie insisted. “Just because she speaks Arabic doesn’t mean she’ll head to Iran.”

“True, my love, but she won’t go anywhere that will remind her of her pain, either.” Freja added, ignoring her beloved’s error in geography. “Not Cardiff, and not Roskilde. She was never truly happy anywhere. She always wanted to be here.”

We all sat silently for several seconds, unsure what to say.

“Paris.” I said finally. Everyone looked at me.

“Remember karaoke night?” I continued. “Freja said that even Alexa got tired of Paris and Alexa disagreed, said… what was it… she said that if she’d been older when she lived there, with her own money, she might’ve stayed. But grandma’s career took her elsewhere.”

“Alex is right,” dad said, nodding. “You were sharp to catch that and remember it.”

“I, I remember just about everything she says, to be honest. If I had to hazard a guess, she will go to Paris.”

“Even if she did, it’s a big city,” Freja sighed. “We could all go and still never find her.”

We were all silent again before mom finally looked up at dad. “Michael?”

I knew that tone. She was officially deferring to my dad. About this whole situation. I know it often seems like mom runs the roost, but when the chips were down, there was no question who the head of our household was.

Dad closed his eyes and we all waited for several minutes while he wrestled with this entire mess in his mind. All I could hear was the summer breeze outside and the sound of my heart beating.

When he opened his eyes, he smiled at me. “I think we’d better dig up your passport, Alex,” he said cheerfully. “You’ve got a wife to bring home…”

***

“Non, rien de rien, non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu`on m`a fait, ni le mal
Tout ça m`est bien égal
Non, rien de rien, non, je ne regrette rien
C`est paye, balaye, oublie, je me fous do passe

The haunting strains of Edith Piaf’s voice reached me as I stepped through the front door of the café. It sent chills through me, making me tremble, as I thought of Alexa singing the song, a touching ballad of no regrets, come what may.

The Sixteenth Arrondisments, where she had lived many years ago. Simple inquiries eventually confirmed that a beautiful blonde girl had indeed been seen in the neighbourhood. She had only just arrived three days before, but people were already speaking of her, that she had apparently lived there once before. In spite of her beauty, she seemed supremely sad. My heart pounded, it could only be her.

Avec mes souvenirs j`ai allume le feu
Mes chagrins, mes plaisirs,
Je n`ai plus besoin d`eux
Balaye les amours avec leurs trémolos
Balaye pour toujours
Je réparas a zéro

There she is…

Beautiful beyond words, even when she was wracked with grief. She sat at a small table, looking out the window to her side. Even across the room, I could see her eyes were red with grief, her fingers gently touching her lips. Surrounded by people, she still seemed so alone. That was no doubt how she wanted it.

She turned her head and our eyes met.

I smiled gently and held up my hand, showing her the little plastic ring on my wedding finger.

Non, rien de rien, non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu`on m`a fait, ni le mal
Tout ça m`est bien égal
Non, rien de rien, non, je ne regrette rien
Car ma vie, car me joies
Aujourd’hui ça commence avec toi!”

There were tears in her eyes as she smiled and held up her hand, showing me the little yellow ring she’d always sworn to wear.

“Because my life, because my joy, today they begin with you!”~ fin~