Chapter 26

We sat and I talked and she listened. I must have talked for hours, telling her of the feelings of love I had for him and that I knew that he had for me. Finally, that I was going to leave. That I was going to Zack and marry him. I knew that he still wanted me and would want the child that we had created.

Rose sat with her arms around me. When I finished and looked at her I saw tears in her eyes. She was crying. She gave me a sad smile. “I had a feeling when I picked you up at the airport that I was going to lose you. I am going to lose the best friend that I ever had.”

I held her tight and said, “No Rose, we aren’t going to lose each other. We have been separated before and you are going to Minneapolis soon. So this separation won’t be so bad. And I will always be in Baltimore.”

Rose put her down and said, “But, this will be different, you will have a new life and…”

“…and I will never forget you. I may be giving up this life but you are a part of my life. You are my friend…my sister. You are the only sister that I have ever had. I won’t lose you.”

“But Carol, things won’t be the same. You will have a husband and a child. And I will be a nun.”

“Yes we will be different, but I will be Carol and you will be Rose. We will always be sisters.”

“Have you told Mother Belinda?” she asked.

“Not yet, I was waiting for the school year to end and everything to be settled.”

“When are you going to tell her?”

I looked at Rose and then at the clock radio and put on my bravest smile and said, “I guess there is no time like the present.”

We stood and Rose hugged me. “What can I say? I am losing the best friend I ever had. I know…I know…but that’s the way I feel.”

We both started to cry, again, holding each other. Knowing that Rose was behind me made going to our Superior somewhat easier.

We let go and I washed my face, trying to wash away the tears and signs of crying. I didn’t look too bad, but my eyes were a little bloodshot. Rose also washed and then both of us walked to the Mother Superior’s office.

We came to the door and Rose gave me another quick hug. She looked at me and with a sad smile said in a halting voice, “Well, you’re on your own now. Promise you won’t forget me.”

“I will never forget you, you are always in my heart and we will always be sisters.”

I turned and walked to the door and knocked. I heard a, “What is it? Come in.”

I looked over at Rose and smiled, she returned the smile and I opened the door and went in. Mother Belinda looked up over her glasses and smiled. “Please come in Carol take a seat.”

Then in a loud voice she said, “Rose, are you coming in too or are you just going to stand out there.”

I smiled and heard Rose say, “I’ve got things to do, Mother.”

Mother Belinda answered, “Well then don’t just stand there, do them.”

I heard Rose’s footsteps as she walked away.

I closed the door and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. She gave me a funny look, put her head back on the chair, closed her eyes and said, “Why do I have the feeling that I don’t want to have this conversation?”

She looked back at me and gave me “the stare.” Mother Belinda is probably in her mid to late sixties, she is a big woman, both physically and in personality. She can be hard as nails when need be, but she can also be soft and understanding. I needed the second part today.

All of a sudden “the stare” was gone and her face softened and she said, “Well, are you going to sit there all day in silence? Or are you going to tell me what happened in St. Louis?”

I was in shock, you could have knocked me over with a feather. How??? How did she know?

“It’s a man, isn’t it? It’s usually a man. Well girl, out with it. Give me all of the dirty details. You want to marry him, don’t you? This is why I have argued that we shouldn’t allow our sisters to travel and go to conferences alone. There is strength in numbers.”

“Do you love him? What a question, of course you do or you wouldn’t be here, would you?”

“Has he asked you to marry him?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Probably every time you talk to him, right? And you gush and tell him ‘yes’ every time, don’t you?”

“Yes Mother.”

“Carol, you are one of the best we have. There is no doubt in my mind that one day you would be a leader in the Order. The problem is that I am sure that you will be a wonderful wife and maybe mother one day.”