Chapter 11

I gave them just a cursory glance. I already knew; I could feel the connection between us. There was something more important I had to say. I knew I would probably get it wrong, but I had to try.

“Sara, um, about Tuesday night…” I could see her face harden, but I stared at the floor and persevered.

“I, well, you were right. I acted like an asshole. I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t screw things up for you too badly.” I stood there looking at the floor. Sara waited me out. When I finally raised my eyes to look at her, she had this warm look on her face, and a gentle smile. I just about melted.

“Thank you, John. I appreciate that.” Her hand reached out and caressed my cheek. “It was partly my fault, too. I should have told you in advance what you were in for. I guess I still don’t explain things to you very well. I’ll work on that.”

We made arrangements for me to drop Sareen off, and Sara left.

Once I was able to pry Sareen away from Tomy, I washed her off and asked what she wanted for supper. Silly question.

“PIZZA!”

I’m still not sure why, but I took her to The Cellar.

I wasn’t really paying much attention as I was paying for our order, so when I turned to leave I was stunned to see Sara, deep in conversation with some strange guy who was holding both of her hands in his.

I was ready to explode, but Sareen sensed something wrong and tugged on my hand with a worried look on her face. “What’s wrong, John?” she asked. I quickly calmed down and took her to my car. She was still upset and it took me a few minutes to calm her down. Fortunately, she didn’t ask me again why I was upset, and she and Sara didn’t see one another.

I was still seething inside, though. She had almost convinced me that she really wanted to get back together, and then here she is, out with another guy at practically the first opportunity.

We got home and ate our pizza, Sareen pretty much wearing hers, and I had to make sure that she didn’t give Tomy too much.

We were both tired and hit the hay early, though I didn’t go to sleep, I was still so keyed up by what I saw, and was just about ready to tell Sara to just forget everything, when I heard little feet shuffling.

“John,” she said, “John, I can’t sleep. Can I sleep with you?”

“Of course you can, sweetheart,” I said as I leaned over and picked her up. I was glad that I had decided to wear PJs to bed.

Sareen quickly fell asleep, her gentle snores easily drowned out by Tomy’s. The last thing she said to me completed my enslavement. Just before she dropped off, she whispered, “I love you, Daddy.”

I didn’t have much to say to Sara when she picked Sareen up the next morning. I asked if I could have her the next Saturday, and Sara agreed. She looked disappointed when I didn’t ask her to stay to breakfast, but didn’t say anything about it. The week flew by and I could hardly wait to get Sareen again. I picked her up, this time. We were going fishing and for a picnic on the White River, and Tomy was coming along.

We got set up under a huge oak tree. Sareen and Tomy were playing happily on the bank and the giant trout were waiting. I waded out about knee deep and began false casting, just getting some line out on the water.

I had been fishing for about twenty minutes, talking to Sareen as she splashed around near the bank. There was a log, sunken below the surface and a deep pocket of water behind it. I made the perfect cast, twitching the fly as it floated over the log. There was an eruption and a huge brown made a strike on the fly. I set the hook. Nothing. Now I was intent on the hunt. I must have made a hundred more casts, trying to tease another strike out of that monster. It was a one-shot deal. The huge fish was done. I got ready to move upstream and called to Sareen.

She didn’t answer. I recalled that I hadn’t heard anything for a while; I had been busy concentrating on the monster fish. I turned, and there was no sign of either her, or Tomy. I hurried to the bank. “Sareen,” I called. “Where are you, baby?”

Nothing.

There was a line of tall switchgrass, nearly as tall as my head, which lined the bank about twenty yards from the water. Beyond that was woods, deep and thick, stretching for who knows how many miles into the distance. I found a trail through the switchgrass and a little Spiderman toy lying in a patch of mud on the trail. It was Sareen’s. Further along, I saw a footprint left by her little sneaker and one of Tomy’s footprints.

I threw my rod into the grass, stripped off my waders and began to run. I searched frantically, calling both her and Tomy until I collapsed. Panic filled my mind as I thought about that little angel, lost out here in the woods. I called until my voice was hoarse and fading. When I finally collapsed from exhaustion, I began to think rationally again. I pulled out my phone. Great, there was no service. I crashed back through the brush, through the grass and ran to the truck. I drove to the top of the hill and was relieved, at last, to see two bars.

I called the sheriff’s department, and reported what had happened. They promised to send a search party immediately. Then, I had to make the most difficult call of my life. I had to call Sara and tell her that I’d lost our daughter. I felt lower than worm shit. It took me five minutes to work up my courage. When she answered, I just blurted it out.

“Sara, I need you. I was fishing and not paying attention. Sareen and Tomy wondered off and they’re… I… I lost them, Sara. Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I’m such an idiot asshole!”

“John, stop it,” she said. “Call the sheriff’s department.”

“I already did,” I was hardly able to speak. I was sobbing like a baby. I’d lost my baby!

“Well, go and look for her,” Sara said. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

I drove back to the lot we had parked in, hoping that I’d see a little doll standing there waiting for me with a giant black dog. My heart fell when I saw the empty lot. I ran frantically through the woods again, calling their names, searching everywhere I could think to look.

I was on the point of collapse again when I heard the sound of a helicopter approaching. I ran back to the parking lot and arrived just in time to see five men jump out of the chopper. I told them what had happened, feeling like the world’s biggest fool, no, worse than that, like a stupid monster who lost his daughter because he was fucking fishing!

I could see the contempt in their eyes. They asked me to stay in the lot in case she came back and they quickly disappeared into the woods as the chopper took to the air. I stood there helplessly, my tears flowing down my cheeks for probably ten minutes and I saw Sara’s Mercedes coming down the hill. I ran to the car as soon as she stopped, jerking at the door handle impotently until she unlocked it and started to get out.

“Sara, I’m so sorry,” I began. “I’m such an ass, I just didn’t watch…”

She cut me off. “None of that matters, John. Let’s go find our daughter. Where did you last see her?”