Chapter 5

10:30. I load a 6 pack of beer and my just bought pack of cigarettes in the car and take off for mom. My thoughts are still swirling. My arms are shaking. Got to get a grip. After 45 minutes I pull over into a rest stop to have a smoke. I messed around with smoking a little in college, but thankfully it never became a habit. I think having one now will calm me down. I'll have another, with a beer, just before I get there.

OK, in town, 5 minutes from moms. I pull into a convenience store parking lot and down a beer with a second smoke. Help take the edge off, a little. One beer is good, but I want to 'fully' experience whatever is about to happen.

I pull up to the house, get out with the beer and smoke, approach the front door, get my key out, wonder four more times if this is a bad idea, say screw it, of course it's a horrible idea, and go inside anyway. I close the door. The house is as dark as I knew it would be. On the way to Mom's bedroom, I passed the kitchen and set my stuff down. Still quiet. Shoes off, then I take my clothes off and set them on the table. Nude, in Mom's house. Instant erection. Feels very wrong and good. Electric.

Mom's house is on the edge of a little town, nobody for several hundred yards. If she gets too loud, or starts screaming, it would be bad. A little noise would be OK. I decided to cover mom's mouth initially, to see where it goes.

There is a little night light in the hallway to her room. I walk to her room, and the door is half open. With the light from the hall and a little light from outside, I can see Mom lying on her side, facing away from me. Perfect. She seems to be asleep. OK, big boy, now or never. Last chance to back out.

Mom's wearing a t-shirt and probably panties. Her normal sleepwear. The covers are half off her; it's a warm night. I cross the distance to her and just look down. My lovely, needful mother. It's time.

In one motion I lay on the bed behind her, spooning her, my right arm going under her body, trapping her two arms, the other hand covering her mouth. I'm trying hard to restrain her, not hurt her. A muffled scream comes from Mom's mouth, and she starts to struggle. I just hold her. For 20 seconds, Mom is thrashing, then settles down. I could see her mind start to make connections. What's going on, and who is beside her?

Mom stopped screaming, so I took my hand off her mouth.

"What are you doing? Who are you? Please don't hurt me!"

I don't say anything, just hold her. At least she's not screaming. She keeps asking, pleading, but I keep silent, my right arm still holding her arms. I reach down mom's backside to her panties and yank down as far as I could; they are kind of trapped by lying on her side. Then I reach around in front and pull down further. Back and forth. Holding Mom's arms, I couldn't reach down all the way. Once her panties reached her knees, I twisted a foot up between her legs and pulled them down and off. They were caught up in my foot. I flip them off, over the side of the bed onto the floor.

My left hand reaches up to her breast. God, they feel good. After a few seconds, I reach back down under her t-shirt and back up to her breast, feeling them for real, wondering what they look like. I find a nipple, tweak it, and play with it. It's hard instantly; Mom's pleadings are turning towards moans. All my pent-up emotion and energy has me going full-on.

Next, my hand starts heading down. Down over her little belly until I feel her pussy hair. I stop there for a while. Running my hands over the little tuft. Playing with it, even yanking it, again wondering what it looks like. The shape, the color, the smell. The whole time, Mom is squirming, twisting under my right arm, holding her. Then onto her pussy. My god, she is wet. Warm and inviting. I move one of my knees between her legs to open her up a little more. I put one, then two fingers into her opening. In and out for a few seconds. I'm losing track of what Mom is doing and how she is reacting.

Enough foreplay. Using my hand in front to direct me, I enter mom from behind. Forcefully. Then I rolled Mom onto her stomach. My full weight is lying on her back, pinning her to the bed. My face is up against hers. Breathing into her ear. My face is scratching hers.

I then lift off mom, my arms on either side holding her arms, or start pounding. The energy level is incredible. In and out, in and out. Not caring what mom wants or needs. Just letting myself go into the moment.

Mom's pleas for me to stop have slowed down and then stopped. She never says my name, acknowledging that it's her son doing this to her.

After a while, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, who knows, I feel Mom shudder and moan. Her sound is soft and quiet, like she is trying to hide her pleasure, not letting her attacker know she is loving this treatment. A few seconds later I let loose. I knew I was not going to last long this first time.

I never deflated all the way, stayed semi-hard, and kept inside Mom. I rolled us back on our side to be more comfortable, back to a spooning position.

Then it hits me hard.

Doubt.

Shame.

Revulsion over my act.

The earlier emotions fade away.

This is not me. I always considered what limited sexual experience I had to be a shared thing, giving to each other. This was something else. What have I done? Can I get out? Run away? If I get up now, Mom will know it's me.