Chapter 126

“More me means less biomass available to cultures who inflict Aqua on the species,” he answered, smirking. “Consider it a world-wide service, hopefully worthy of a Nobel Prize.”

“Here we go…” mom muttered under her breath.

“Don’t make me come up there.” Freja said in what she hoped was a dire tone.

“Or what?” dad asked carelessly, continuing to work with his curl bar.

“I’ll teach you,” she shot back. “I have taken ju-jutsu, I will have you know.”

“Huh,” he grunted with mild disinterest. “What school?”

“Gracie.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, his voice oozing sympathy. “How many participation trophies did you get at local martial arts tournaments?”

“The bigger they are, the harder they fall!” Freja said hotly, her body stiffening. Her little fists were bunched up at her sides. “Would you care for a demonstration, Grendl?”

Dad considered for a moment and shrugged. “Why not,” he said finally, putting down the curl bar. “I’ve got a few minutes before I start my next set.”

He gestured toward the area where the wrestling mats were set up, allowing Freja to stride purposefully toward them, leading the way. I looked at mom warily and she shrugged and stood up, putting down the treatise.

“You can always find a new bestie, right, Alli?” mom asked her sister.

“I dunno,” Alexa replied. “Freja’s pretty good, she actually got her Second-Dan black belt in ju-jutsu.”

“Uh-huh,” mom said somewhat disinterestedly, leading us over to the mat. “Alex, you know where the squeegee mops are in the supply cabinet, right?”

“Yup.” I said grimly.

We stood at the edge of the mats while Freja stared up at my dad in the middle of them. The height disparity between them was nothing short of amusing, since she barely reached dad’s sternum. To her credit, she didn’t budge as he towered over her.

“So, how do you want to do this?” dad asked, looking down at her.

“It’s your funeral, why don’t you choose?” she said in a challenging tone.

Dad shrugged and laid down on his back. “How about this? At least you can reach me from here.”

Freja cheeks coloured quickly and she bolted in and grappled onto one of dad’s arms, locking it up and wrapping her legs around it, like she was going to wrench it out of the socket. Dad just waited patiently. Freja grunted and strained with the effort. Almost a minute passed and nothing seemed to be happening.

“How’s it going over there, Reepicheep?” Alexa called to her friend.

“Gnnnnn, he… will submit…” Freja growled.

“He will?” dad asked, looking up over his shoulder, pretty much directly at Freja’s booty shorts-encased butt. “Why is he always the last to know?”

“I… am… your… God!” she gasped as she strained, pulling for all she was worth.

And then dad lifted his arm- not quite ninety degrees, but right off the mat, with Freja still grappled onto it. She squeaked in surprise as she realized she was no longer in contact with the floor.

Then he dropped his arm. Not hard, he just let gravity do the work for him. Master of physics and all that.

*THUMMMMP!*

Jeanie and Alexa both winced while mom watched impassively. Now back on the mat, Freja didn’t move at all for several seconds. She just stared at the ceiling blankly, her limbs still locked around dad’s arm. Then her arms and legs slowly uncurled and she lay very still, gazing off into space. Dad stood up and walked away.

“Puny god…” he rumbled, heading back to his curl bar.

We all stared at Freja for several seconds before Jeanie went over and knelt down next to her, concern playing over her features.

“She’s not dead, is she?” the brunette asked. “Because getting another fiancée on such short notice would be a real pain in the ass.”

“Seriously, girl, what were you thinking?” mom inquired as she went and knelt next to Jeanie and helped the Danish girl sit up. “I didn’t know being uppity was a national trait for you people.”

“It’s not,” Alexa sighed. “It just is for her. I’ll be honest, though, I thought she’d last a little longer than that.”

“Oh, now you’re just being dumb, Alli,” mom chided. “You remember the fight in the bar. He’s at least as good at breaking things as he is at weird physics.”

“My cunt can attest to that.” Jeanie said, earning her a look and a swat from my mother.

“Why didn’t you warn me?” Freja groused as she let my mom and Jeanie help her stand.

“Why bother?” Alexa replied, shrugging. “Not like you would’ve listened. Having him shatter every bone in your body is as close as you’ll ever get to having sex with him, so you just went for it. How the Hell could anyone stop that?”

“Fine, fine,” Freja grumbled. “You got me. Worth it, though.”

“I’ll never understand women.” I muttered, making the four of them giggle.

***

Two days before the wedding, Freja’s family arrived at the airport. Alexa had explained to me about who everyone would be and any details I should readily know. The first thing that made my head spin was the sheer number of them who were showing up. It was beginning to sound like half of Denmark was going to be at the wedding.

Freja’s parents, three grandparents, a younger sister and brother, six cousins, three aunts, two uncles, two step-cousins, twelve cousins-once-removed or something… there were well over thirty people arriving, and chaos ensued.

There were endless cries and screams of delight when everyone saw Freja and equally as much noise when they saw Alexa, who was apparently one of the family. Freja’s parents hugged her tight and there were tears shed.

“I swear, Alexandra,” said Freja’s mother in heavily-accented English. “I thought for years it would be you that she married. Your mother never agreed, but she knew how close you were. I guess Miranda was right.”

“It’s okay, Anna,” Alexa said, with tears in her eyes. “You know I love Freja, but Jeanie is going to make her very happy, I promise you.”

“And now let us meet your family.” Anna announced.

Introductions were made, and it was sort of surreal, to be honest- everyone was clamouring to know Alexa’s older sister, whom they had never met, even though they knew my grandmother, Miranda. Add to this the complication of mom’s maiden surname being Gordon and Alexa’s being Blackwell and you had a recipe for confusion.

And then everyone gawked at my dad, who was, once again, far taller than everyone. One little girl about age three hid behind a cousin and cried, at least until dad gave her a treat; then he was her boyfriend and couldn’t get rid of her. She rode around on his shoulders, lording it over everyone else.

Several members of Freja’s family expressed an interest in Alexa as a mate, now that she was back on the market, and when she made it abundantly clear that she was not available, many of the women began inquiring about me.

“You should consider it, Alex,” Freja teased. “Danish families can be fun!”

The mingling was likely to continue, but we were taking up a great deal of the room inside the terminal, so mom announced that we should head out to meet Jeanie’s family. Vehicles had been rented, hotel rooms reserved, and they followed us out. Dad and I led the way, since mom, Alexa and Freja were the center of attention.

“That was strange.” I mused as I walked with him at the head of the pack.

“Get used to it where Gordons and Blackwells are concerned, boyo,” he said cheerfully. “They attract a weird crowd.”

“So, all of Denmark is weird, then?” I posited.

“Aqua.”

“Right, right,” I muttered. “They sure like mom and Alexa.”

“They’re happy to see Alli again, rightfully, and your mom represents a missing piece of a puzzle for them. Your aunt told us one night exactly how close they were to Freja’s family when they lived in Denmark. I guess we’ll be treating them like an extension of our clan now.”

“D’you think they’ll like Jeanie?” I asked.