Chapter 27

I felt embarrassed and lowered my eyes when she said mother and she noticed. She looked at me, and shook her head. “Say it isn’t so.”

I couldn’t look at her and I began to stammer, “Mother…I…”

She gave me a sad smile and said, “I won’t say anything. I am sure that you realize the enormity of the situation. Tell me what was the father’s reaction…you have told him, haven’t you?”

I shook my head, no.

“Why in God’s name haven’t you told him?”

“I just took one of those early tests today.”

Her face softened and she smiled. “Not one of your best of days, is it?”

Tears started to run down my face and I answered, “It is the most wonderful day of my life.”

Mother Belinda got up and came and sat in the chair next to me and put her arms around me. “That’s the best answer I could have expected.”

“You love this child and you love the father. But, now I am going to ask you to do something very difficult. You realize that you can just leave and go off to your new life. But I am going to ask you to follow our tradition. I want you to take the retreat. To go into cloister and spend the next month in prayer and meditation.”

“Now, you realize that you don’t have to do it, but I would ask that you do. I have found that those sisters that take the retreat have an easier time with their decision. You won’t be pressured one way or the other. But, it won’t be easy. You will be incommunicado, you will not contact anyone outside of the Order, except for your immediate family.”

“I guess that in your case that would be your mother; but, no one else. It will be difficult for you and it will be difficult for him. But, if your love for each other is as strong as you believe, it will survive and I have found it will be stronger after this trial.”

“It will start immediately, you will be transferred to our convent in Cincinnati. Only the Superior will know the reason for your transfer. You will only be allowed to have your mother visit once. And that time will be limited.”

“I realize that this may seem very harsh, but it will be only for a month and then we will have a tribunal, where you will make your final decision. Again, I want you to know that this is voluntary. You will be free to leave now or at any time during the retreat.”

I sat and listened to what she had to say. If I took the retreat, I wouldn’t be able to talk to Zack. He would have no idea what was going on. I knew that he would suffer, he would worry, question.

I also felt a duty to the Order. I believed that there would be no question as to what I would do. But, I decided that I would do what the Order requested, I would go into cloister and take the retreat.

I looked at her and said, “I will go to Cincinnati.”

Mother Belinda smiled and said, “I hoped that you would. Now go, you will be silent at four thirty, however, you will not speak to anyone outside of the order until then. You will become totally cloistered in one hour. Talk to Rose, it will be easier on both of you.”

I left her office and went to my cell. Rose was there in a flash. “Tell me, what happened.”

I told her and said that I would be going to Cincinnati in the morning. She helped me pack. At four o’clock, there was a knock on the door and Sr. Alice was standing there. She is a medical doctor in family practice. She is the director of the Free Clinic in the city.

Alice smiled and said, “Mother Belinda sent me to check you out. She is concerned.” She gave Rose a look and said, “Rose dear, could you give us a few moments…”

I smiled and said, “It’s okay, Alice, she knows.”

“Oh, okay, you can stay if you want, all I’m going to do is give her a pre-natal exam.” It’s really nothing.”

Rose looked at me, I knew that she didn’t want to go; I smiled and said, “Please stay Rose.”

Rose broke out into a huge grin and said, “Okay, if you want me here.”

Alice examined me and said that everything was okay and that the baby seemed fine. She told me that I must be examined now every month and take care about what I eat and drink, that I must have enough sleep but don’t just sit on my keester and get fat.

“You have to remember, you are doing everything for two. Not only are you eating for two, but you are drinking for two, exercising for two, sleeping for two and keeping stress free for two. Now is the time that you must start to take care of your baby. Remember, No Fasting. You must eat, not that I want you to over do it, but you must eat and eat smart.”

She gave a small laugh and said, “Take care of yourself, Carol. Pray and give it a lot of thought. I must say this, you are the last person on earth that I ever expected to be treating like this.” She gave me a hug and left.